7:27 a.m. - 2004-10-23
Ninja Homeless
Two students in the Art Department wanted me to model for them, Aaron and Neil. I kind of liked Aaron better at first. He's older--like thirtyish--and a little plump, but he jokes about that, saying that he used to be in shape but now everything is settling to the middle, the plus side being that once he sits down he cannot tip over. Aaron doesn't have studio space on campus--I think you have to be juiced in--so we went to his apartment, which was crammed full of his sketches and books of all kinds, including 15 years worth of sketch diaries.

Seeing Aaron's work changed my mind; his style is very Luis Royo, very Boris Vallejo. Kind of eerie sexy, and I can never get used to the idea of chain mail bikinis. I mean, you either need the armor or you don't.

So I agreed to do a film with Neil, which he showed later at the campus art gallery. It's called "Ninja Homeless," and it stars me, and I have a copy which I make my friends watch all the time. They are getting sick of it.

The film begins in a public bathroom, and all you see at first is feet, which are my feet. Ninja Homeless (played by me) has built a sleep loft in a toilet stall. She wakes up, yawns and stretches, and eases out of her loft. Then Ninja Homeless dresses in her armor, which consists of a football helmet and lots of padding held on by duct tape. Once all my armor is on I look twice my normal width but still pretty small. Then you see a scene--which is repeated several times throughout the movie--of me sliding headfirst downstairs, protected by my padded armor. Next I am outside, deliberately bumping into trees and parked cars and deliberately falling down to show how strong my armor is. I smile at the camera and punch myself all over because my armor protects me from harm. Then I want to get people on the street to punch me, too, but none of them can see me (other actors, of course) because I am Ninja Homeless.

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