6:23 a.m. - 2022-04-27
FOR THE ARMCHAIR DETECTIVE
Mystery fans enjoy matching wits with the writer and his or her fictional detective, both on film and the printed page. But if you watch enough television crime shows, you'll notice that they often have their own subset of rules. So here are a few observations to help the armchair TV detective unravel the mystery before the final commercial break.

First, keep in mind that there are several not necessarily warranted assumptions that the viewer simply agrees to accept. Complicated forensic procedures are accomplished in no time at all, and the scientist or technician will have skills in a wide variety of techniques that would normally require years of training. In modern programs at least one person on the investigative team will have remarkable computer skills that enable them to hack into multiple data bases almost instantaneously. The killer, once revealed, will prove to be someone who was introduced on screen, never a heretofore anonymous individual who makes a last-minute appearance. Seemingly insignificant facts about the characters (left-handed, color blind, allergic to wool, etc) are almost always clues.

If it's a lawyer show, the cops will be wrong, and the lawyer's client will be innocent, no matter how overwhelming the evidence to the contrary may seem. Frequently the lawyer's innocent client will behave stupidly or even dishonestly, further complicating the case against him/her. If it's a cop show, the lawyers will be wrong, as will law enforcement from other jurisdictions (FBI on cop shows, cops on FBI shows). If the show is about a private detective or amateur sleuth, the cops and the lawyers will both be wrong, and they will persist in their erroneous thinking from week to week.

Now as to identifying the true killer: It's never the first suspect nor the obvious suspect. It's never the person with the obvious motive nor the unlucky individual found standing over the body, clutching what seems to be the murder weapon, nor the impulsive halfwit with no alibi who threatened to kill the victim in front of witnesses. If the police suspect or arrest someone on a lawyer show, it's not him. Anyone accused with more than fifteen minutes of airtime left will not be the killer. (Be careful: some shows start several minutes before or after the hour, so you have to include that in your time calculations.) Also, be aware of which shows go up to the very last minute to reveal the killer and which ones favor a short epilogue following the penultimate commercial break.

A well-known actor in what seems to be a "minor" role will probably be the killer; they are just waiting for the Big Reveal moment for the opportunity to display their thespian skills. But a familiar actor who "always" plays villains is probably in the cast solely as a red herring. The helpful friend, neighbor or relative who seems to serve no other function in the plot is most likely the killer.

Only the star of the show gets to name the real killer.

If you apply all of the above rules and still can't solve TV mysteries, wait for the rerun. You should do much better. And, remember, if all else fails, it's probably the mean old lighthouse keeper.

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